it's not cheating when I paid for it
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
