OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
40s are totally the cure
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
