I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
