Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
