sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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