i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Can i not drive my cunt home
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
