my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
