You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
