could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
