mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
