His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
