I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
