I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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