I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
