nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
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