If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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