Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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