You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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