It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
