I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
