NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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