even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
