..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
