I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
