Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
