OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
