so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
