She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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