What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
