I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
