He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Just invented taco cereal.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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