Having a random hookup so left but love u
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
