Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
