he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Shame - the story of my life.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
