We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
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