She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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