When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
It was confusing and full of hummus
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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