we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
