its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Fuck appropriateness.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
