please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
