Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
