Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
