they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I faked an abortion last night.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
