At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Randomize
