you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
