he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
