Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
