It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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