Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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