Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize