i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Randomize
