i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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