I think my vagina is haunted
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Randomize
