I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize