please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
