I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
You're like the curious george of whores
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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