Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
