Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
handjob tips. give me some.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
