He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
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