remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
being pregnant is like rehab
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
