dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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