the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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