The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Fuck appropriateness.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Dicks are not precious.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
