sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
