I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
