I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
The convent might be a nice break from real life
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